This is the big key (and mystery) of healing – how to accept your chronic illness and ourselves just as we are now- sick, ill and frankly, a little bit hopeless.
In the darkest times, when you’ve lost count of how many days you’ve been staring at the ceiling for, waiting for doctors or even family and friends to listen to you, or when you’re feeling beyond despair and anger, remember this.
The sun is always there. Clouds may cover it, rain might hamper its rays for a while, the moon might dance with it, but it is always there. It is always there for you.
Think of the moment you soar above the clouds on an aeroplane and are blinded by the sun, even though 10 minutes earlier you were caught in a blizzard. The sun and its light provide a constant source of energy and renewal for plants and animals, but very rarely do we see ourselves as being reinvigorated by this beautiful star.
Taken from here
Just as birds soar above the clouds, effortless in flight and freedom, illness can be our gateway to a new way of thinking, even a new life.
I will always be forever grateful for having CFS. It has made me stronger and wiser, more patient and forever thankful. It has also broken me and tested me. It made me angry and resentful. It was the thunderstorm to my sunshine. But I love how the experience has shaped my reality and my thoughts for the better.
They say that you attract what you think about. I spent years, even after I thought I had recovered, comparing my health to that of others, wishing my situation could’ve been difference. I spent an embarrassing amount of hours living in my head, accepting that I was just one of those ill people. Dwelling on the past, weeks off work while it seemed to be a breeze for everyone else, worrying when I was going to pick up the next bug- in a way, it became my way of life…and I was stuck.
The moment I stopped thinking about being an ‘ill person’ and more importantly, living in fear of possibly being ill, that’s when the real freedom and acceptance took place. Illness didn’t serve me anymore, neither did the ‘ill person’ label. Worrying about even possibility of being ill is a very real anxiety if you’ve had CFS or any other life-changing condition, but if anything, by worrying, you ensure that the next day you will wake up feeling physically worse. It has been proven that the brain cannot distinguish between what is real and what is imagined. Therefore, if you spend days thinking about illness, eventually, your body will accept that you are ill and ensure that the appropriate symptoms appear from nowhere. Square one seems like home.
For me, it was impossible to believe that and accept that this was part of my journey. But looking back, I know that by thinking about illness, I was attracting it. If I hadn’t been ill to begin with however, I would never had learnt this for myself.
Now I know that this was how it was meant to be all along. This is my journey, my gift from something or someone somewhere to ensure I lived my best possible life.
Just as I attracted illness with thought of illness, we can all attract health through thoughts of health and wellbeing.
Try to find the gift in your illness. Sit in silence and clear your mind. The answer will come to you in time, and you will feel blessed.
Love and tranquility,