After I was able to actually be awake and ‘functioning’ enough to think about it, and even maybe on a good day, read a paragraph of a book, I suddenly started to ask myself, “Is it my fault that I have CFS?”.
Was it really as bad as all I thought it was? Maybe I wasn’t that sick after all. Was it all in my head? Why I had been given this ‘lesson’ as a lot of self-help authors might have us believe? Why or why did this so-called beautiful ‘lesson’ have to be so damn difficult?
Please listen to this, my love.
This is not your fault.
Having CFS or Fibromyalgia or any other chronic illness is not your fault.
You did not bring it on yourself.
You haven’t done anything to deserve this.
This is not part of some plan by a malicious Universe to bring you down.
This is not because you didn’t eat enough apples when you were five (or drink enough green juice in your thirties).
This is not because you said that horrible thing to someone, and now you’re being punished.
This is not because you’re a horrible person, and you need to be punished somehow.
This is not because you’re deficient or worthless in some way.
Sometimes, things just happen.
Our brain wants to try and figure out this whole thing, so we know what we ‘did wrong’ and then the brain can make sure we never do that thing again. (Otherwise known as ‘survival’.)
You can think yourself into the ground (and you probably will) trying to pin down the one thing you should’ve done back in the day, but if you could put your finger on it, would it help you?
Sometimes, there is no answer. It just is what it is.
What can rationalise and justify and ‘self-help’ all we want, but at the end of the day, it is what it is.
It’s not your fault, my love.
Please let yourself off the hook once and for all.