Warning: this post is probably going to annoy the life out of you.
You want it and you thought you could see it a few weeks ago, but now you’re completely disorientated and you know that that finish line has moved away.
You feel lost, dark, dense and like there’s no way you’ll ever see it again. You’ve lost it.
So, you forget about it for a little while and dive back into the cave (this can be your bed, a chocolate addiction, a vicious stress-cycle- different strokes for different folks).
Then, all of a sudden, the finish line approaches you and desperately, you grapple and rush to cross it, detached and frenzied. No holds barred, no way no how, all out.
Then it happens again. Relapse. Distancing of the line. Blurring and agony. Back to where you started.
When will it end?
You have two choices.
You can either go through the same process again, which will probably render you more exhausted than when you first set out, or…
…you can surrender knowing that the finish line will always be there, even if you can’t see it.
Illness or no illness, there is no finish line.
We don’t know what’s going to happen in this life.
We tell ourselves that everything will be infinitely fabulous when we get ‘there’- no more problems, no more discomfort. We’ll be flying forever.
But even beyond illness, life is full of set-backs. We need to go with it and accept and deal with what happens as best we can.
The question that I get asked most frequently is, “What is the one thing you did to heal yourself?” Understandably, many people are desperate for the finish line, and my answer always, always disappoints them.
Forget about the finish line. We’ll never be finished. Your illness will be though, hopefully one day soon.
But the uncertainty won’t be. We have to get comfortable in the not knowing, in life and in illness.
Love, Katie xxx
This article and more unseen articles feature in my new, pay what you want e-book, The Little CFS Book of Acceptance’. Click here for more details.