For some reason recently, I found myself thinking about (and being absolutely baffled by! All of the times I went to the doctor while I was ill. For years, I completely pushed CFS away and ignored it- there had to be something simpler going on. Couldn’t they just put me on a week’s worth of antibiotics?! But I paid the price in the form of relapses and a prolonged recovery time.
Even when I’m writing all of my blog posts, I constantly hit a wall when I get to how to write about illness- do I make it my own, or do I distance myself from it? It was once a huge part of who I am, but that doesn’t mean I’ve completely disregarded that part of my life, as it’s been my greatest teacher and mentor to date.
If writing this blog has taught me one thing I’d love you all to know though, it’s this:
Do not own your illness- as soon as you say ‘my illness’, the power has been given over to the CFS. You have the power and you’ve never lost it, not even in your darkest, most wavering, meandering moments. Detach it from yourself and it’ll detach from you- say ‘the illness’ and it suddenly doesn’t seem as scary. It becomes something you control as opposed to it controlling you. It means that when you feel the waves of the illness washing over you, you know for sure that it’s only a temporary visitor, a fleeting feeling, like the tide, like the clouds above us.
This is a short post, but one which I hope gives you lots of food for thought and something to meditate on. Do you own your illness or does it own you? Can you distance yourself from it, or are you imbedded in it? Let me know your thoughts below my lovelies.
Love and gentle separation,