Although the vast majority of this post is written with CFS/ME in mind, it can apply to many aspects of our lives. We all get stuck to different extents- it can take a few moments or even years to pull ourselves out of it (something I have experience with myself). Sometimes, there might even be a purpose behind our feeling, in which case we have an opportunity to learn more about ourselves.
1) Admit You’re Feeling Stuck
Feel the full extent of your frustration and fear. Throw a pillow across the room. Get really flippin’ angry. Cry and sob your heart out for a few hours, and let everything come out (I’m talking big, snotty tears here). Don’t push it away because you’re trying to save face or think you have to be strong. Screw it.
2) Get Outside
I’ve only recently since living in Australia been able to feel the full benefit of heading outside for a strop (that’s Northern England talk for ‘deliberate, angry walk’!) or a slow meander with no particular destination in mind. I’ve always, and I mean ALWAYS, come back clearer and calmer. It doesn’t solve the problem entirely, but my god, do you feel more able and equipped to deal with it.
If you’re at a stage in your illness where you’re spending most of it asleep or in bed, click here for a little love and some suggestions.
3) As Cheesy As It Sounds, Talk With Someone
I’m not necessarily talking about a counsellor or psychiatrist here, but rather someone who you know isn’t going to judge you and can see how ill you are. Someone who really sees you on a day-to-day basis and knows how you tick. This person might not understand completely, but all you need is an open ear.
You can even say to them before you start that you’d really be honoured to have them sit with you, so you can talk through everything and how you’re feeling. I would even say to them that you don’t really want any advice, you just want to be heard and to sit with them. You will feel better the moment you’ve let it all go- trust me.
4) Ask For Help
Often, our frustration and worry comes as the result of not having all the information to hand and of having to deal with everything on our own. I used to take great pride in taking on everything and not asking for help- I wore it as a badge of honour.
There’s no prizes for taking everything on yourself. It’s a fast way to resentment and burn-out.
Swallow your pride and ask for help with that thing, whether it’s doing the dishes or asking for a helping hand through life. It’s a bit of a muscle and it needs flexing regularly.
You are not a burden.
5) For Goodness Sakes, Meditate
It doesn’t have to be big and fancy, and you don’t have to have some outer body experience to feel the benefits. It’s just taking time out in stillness with no distractions- that’s it. When we see it like this, it’s a wonder we don’t jump at the chance to do it more often. Click here for more on meditation.
6) Be Present
Stay in the moment and know that what you’re feeling now is fleeting.
This too shall pass – Proverb
I’d love to know how you get through these moments, my lovely. We often find what works for us in certain circumstances and build up a ‘toolbox’ as we go. Share how to cope below and let’s learn from each other.
Love and big, deep breaths,
Katie xx
This is a lovely post – I seem to keep stumbling across the idea of needing to reach out when we are in pain and connect. For me, this is the hardest thing to do and also the one that is most likely to help me get through. I am only recently also learning to explore my spirituality (though I am not quite sure just what that means yet). Having a faith base seems such a powerful way to stay centred in the midst of a storm.
Onebreath, sometimes it takes more courage to reach out than we realise. Hope you’re enjoying exploring spirituality a little bit further- xx
One breath – I was just going to say, I can’t meditate for long, but I found a mini-meditation which is just that: One Breath. It helps tremendously. As do your articles, Katie. And about reaching out: I’ve been a Quaker for about twenty years, and just started asking for visits and Meetings for Worship at my flat. It’s been terrifying to do, but the people who have answered have obviously been delighted to help.
Good for you Annys- sounds like you’re doing good work! x
Very helpful to me right now – a compass, if you will! … That said, in reading your writings as well as Doreen Virtue’s last evening, and thinking about them, I realize exactly where I’m jammed up here: I do have people to talk to (thank God!) but I don’t have anyone who can step in and help me out with the problem — my late, beloved Dad (and to an extent my late Mom) were excellent with such, and, I really have been adrift especially since my Dad passed away!!! My Dad always had this belief that I would grow-up and find someone who would be a helpmate, and when that didn’t happen — because of other people’s wounds and secret agendas (read: just here for a con!) & even outright liars, because of my trying to make too much of a relationship at certain times, because of societal & even religious changes since my parents had met & married – he was as confused and adrift, as I am.