How to Deal With People Thinking You’re Lazy When You Have CFS

Oct 262015
 

 

I’ve received lots of emails about this recently and it’s a recurring theme of conversation with my coaching clients, and so I just thought I’d put my thoughts into a post.

Along with all of these lovely choice phrases, “Why are you so lazy?” or words to that effect, might have been aimed at your recently or during your illness. This hurts…I mean, really, really stings.

Up until about x-days/weeks/months/years ago, you had it all figured out. You had a job/income, you had some form of social life, you were frequently in touch with your family and friends, you could string a sentence together and things were generally pretty good. But now you can’t move- you can’t remember the last time you opened the curtains (never mind went outside), you feel incredibly guilty for not bringing in a salary and you feel as if your friends can’t be bothered with you any more. Now, to top it all off, you’ve got people thinking you’re lazy when you have CFS!

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Photo taken from here

Ooooh yep, I hear ya! I’ve had this and all you want to do is scream and shout, and let them know what’s really going on. You’ve told them over and over, but they still don’t get it. Luckily, there are some things you can do to make everything a little bit smoother for yourself and others.

+ Show them this article. If they still haven’t changed their tune, show them this one or this one. If you still don’t get a flinch out of them after this, ask yourself some serious questions.

+ Know that if you were going to invent an illness, CFS/ME would be it. It’s almost like a crazy junior school Biology project:

Teacher: “Ok, everyone- settle down. Now what I want you to do is work in groups and invent an illness. You must describe it and then present it in front of the class. You have 10 minutes- off you go!”

Student 1: “I know! How about something where you sleep for, like, 22 hours a day- like Sleeping Beauty!!”

Student 2: “Yeah, and you can’t go to work because you’re too busy sleeping and lying in bed and people have to feed you and stuff?!”

Everyone in group: “Yeah, that sounds amazing!!”

See the humour in it- it might just get you through those “I really want to break your arm right now (if I had the energy)” kind of moments.

+ The dictionary definition of ‘lazy’ is: “averse or disinclined to work, activity, or exertion; indolent.” I have never, EVER met anyone with CFS/ME who is lazy. Most of the people I’ve spoken to are Type A Personality people and we do not do lazy. Perfectionist, yes. Lazy? Nooooo. People relapse with CFS precisely because they are not lazy- that’s half our trouble. We want to contribute to the world, to our lives, and so we push on and then make ourselves worse. Don’t you dare talk to me about laziness….! (Sorry, rant over!)

+ Understand at a cellular level that there is absolutely no way they can understand what you’re going through. No way. People can empathise, but they’ll only know it if they’ve been through it themselves. This might make you feel lonely or disconnected from everyone for a while, but it’s only temporary. Know that they just want to see you better, healthy and happy- ask for their help, even though they don’t understand this craziness. You look fine, so of course, they’re a bit confused (I remember wishing I could’ve broken my arm or something instead of having CFS- at least people can physically see there’s something wrong with you, right?)

+ You are still you. You are still you. You as a person and a beautiful soul have not changed. Your body is just taking some time out, because it needs it. Once you know who you are, and really know it and own it, those lazy comments will bounce right off you.

Smile, suck it up for a bit longer and know ultimately that these comments will stop. People will see how sick you are, not lazy, and will want to help in any way they can. Show them this website, point them to my Facebook page and show people that you’re not the only one going through this ‘laziness epidemic’.

I’d love to hear your comments below- have you ever been accused of being lazy?

Love, not laziness,

Katie    xxx

A Letter to Chronic Fatigue

Sep 152015
 

This post is inspired by the beautiful and revolutionary Danielle LaPorte.

love letterPicture taken from here

A Letter to Chronic Fatigue

Dear CFS, the Love of my life,

You’ve been with me through thick and thin, through good times and some incredibly bad times. I know you’ve been feeling that this was going to happen for a while, but I’m sorry to say that now that time has come. The time has come for me to thank you for all the blessings you have given me and for all the great, great lessons you’ve taught me. You will never know how grateful I am to you for all that you have given me.

You’ve made me scared, frightened, fearful and sick with worry.

You’ve made me feel hopeless, desperate and ashamed.

You’ve made me ache, made my writhe in pain, made me stay up all night, made me sleep until it’s impossible to sleep any more.

You’ve made me doubt myself, doubt my life, doubt my relationships.

You’ve made the possible impossible; the easy, mind-bendingly difficult; the ordinary, an extraordinary task.

But…

You’ve made me listen to the birds again.

You’ve made me watch and listen to the rustle of the tress once more.

You’ve made me realise that I’m pretty unique and goofy, and that’s ok.

You’ve made me appreciate the little things.

You’ve made me cry with gratitude at another day, another opportunity to live life.

You’ve made to give thanks for my amazing fiancé, supportive family and super friends.

You’ve made me realise that my life is here as a gift, and it’s mine to give in the most loving way I can to others, and to myself.

You’ve made me realise I am limitless. I am boundless. I am free.

 

That this world is worth the wait.

 

That people need my gifts.

 

That life is beautiful and glowingly sacred.

 

I am strong because of you. I am in love because of you. I am vulnerable because of you. I am myself because of you.

 

For that, my dear friend, I will always be truly grateful.

 

In love and abundant gratitude,

Katie     xx

Finding M.E.

Are You Frightened of Change?

Aug 162015
 

 

Over the last few weeks and even as I sit here writing this today, change and the realisation that I might  be frightened of change has been staring me right in the face. Even when I’m not looking for it, it keeps on popping up- in blogs posts, in articles on the internet, in my yoga practice, everywhere. Actually, I tell a lie, it hasn’t really been following me around- I’ve been open to accepting it into my life a lot more. This has highlighted where my limitations are- it’s incredibly uncomfortable, but I feel like I’m growing (such a beautiful feeling!) As much as we want to hold onto things around us and certain situations, the world around us and therefore our worlds are in constant, gentle flux.

When you’re ill with something like CFS for so long, there are moments when you’re going to want to play it safe (as in, pretty much most of the time). Who would want to go through relapse and the agony of starting at square one again, right? It’s embarrassing, uncomfortable and it feels like there’s now way out. You’re completely stuck and you’re pushed to the very limits of what you can handle and what you can’t…

…at least that’s what I thought for a while before I hopped on board the change wagon. Once you’re on, it becomes pretty impossible to get off.

This week, I’ve gone gluten-free and ramped up my yoga practice (I seem to have accidentally fallen in love with it, even though I wasn’t particularly mad on it before) Next week, more of the same, more reading, more catching up with friends after being a slight hermit (I blame Australian winters!) and less playing it small.

Would it really be so bad if you bought an audiobook that could change you life and committed to listening to it, instead of just buying it and putting it on the back-burner like you did last time? What’s the worst that could happen? You don’t like what they have to say and switch it off. Nobody got hurt, you saved face and at least you took the first step and tried.

Maybe you want to ditch the coffee and try a green smoothie? Honestly, it’s a completely no-brainer. You don’t have to like it, but you just might. They look disgusting, but they taste pretty flippin’ good, let me tell you.

No marathon running, no switching to a vegan diet overnight- just play it softly. Shift softly. The reality is, you can think about change until you’re blue in the face, but at the end of the day, you’ll still be where you are unless to make the change.

That’s all there is to it. Just try. Be courageous.

(These suggestions probably sound really patronising, but honestly, there was a time in my life when I was so scared of change and of doing something differently, of thinking about things a different way, that I became really, really stuck. Changing my diet or choosing to read different books were terrifying to me at the time. I would hate for the same thing to happen to you.)

Ask someone for help if you’re unsure. They’ll cheer you on as much as they can, with every fiber of their being, trust me. Ask me for help if you’re a bit lost and absolutely friggin’ petrified.  I’ve got you. We’ve got you. You’ve got you.

I just want to leave you with this picture below, which really got me choked a few days ago.

If you want to change, you have to come unstuck.

change picture

Picture and design by the beautiful freshbysian.com

What change can you make today?

Love and evolving,

Katie     xxx

How to Cope with Loneliness in Chronic Illness

Jun 122015
 

 

As many of you I’m sure already know, loneliness and isolation form a very large and intimidating part of this illness. You’re spending so many hours a day in your own head, in bed, wondering when it’s all going to be over, and to be honest, a lot of the time, stringing a sentence together to speak to people is impossible. I remember my family thinking that I was being really rude for not speaking if they asked me a question, when actually it got to the point where I just couldn’t be bothered to start talking, because I knew I’d never be able to finish my sentence. The feeling of not being able to speak cohesively was so uncomfortable for me that I just didn’t talk in an effort to push this feeling away. It was demoralising- I felt pathetic. Ultimately, this side of me was completely removed from the person I was once- the bubbly, enthusiastic, talkative bundle of energy who always had time for everything and loved every minute of it.

So, realising when I was starting to get better that all my friends had lost touch and got on with their lives was harrowing. It was a real universal acknowledgment that I needed to stop wallowing and accept the now. It meant that I had to embrace loneliness in Chronic Illness and accept isolation for a little while, pretty much because I had no choice.

SONY DSC

Image taken from here

So, why don’t we like being alone?

We need connection as humans, but especially in this illness. We need to know that there’ll be someone there when we holler, someone at arms reach to catch us, to carry us to the bathroom. We need humans as our safety blankets. We need them to tell us that this is all a bit of nightmare and we’ll wake up soon (even though some of our nearest and dearest do this is rather strange ways!) Even if they don’t speak to us, or even if you don’t want them to speak to you, another person’s presence is angelic, warm and reassuring. A validation that other people still exist and lead normal lives while you’re stuck between four walls.

I remember loving weekends during my illness because everyone was at home- even just hearing sounds of people banging around in the kitchen was reassuring and comforting, knowing that I’d have someone to check in on me.

It’s the ultimate sign that someone else still believes in us, even if we don’t. That someone else still holds that flag for you, even if you’ve lost faith in your life. Having our loved ones interfere, nag and fret over us is an outward sign of care, concern and an overall need to make us better, whatever the costs. When we lose all hope in ourselves, we need others to show us the way and remind us of our brilliance.

But, be careful.

Be very careful in your need just to have ‘someone there’ that you don’t bring the wrong people into your circle, those who rob you of your energy, make you worry and stress even more and who ultimately have no faith in you. This can be hard when it’s your family or people you’ve known for a while, but you have to know that ultimately, their concern comes out of anger, frustration and misunderstandings towards your illness, just as yours does when you question yourself. If someone is really zapping your energy, talk to them about it, about how their words make you feel.

Getting comfortable with being on your own.

I’ve spent so much time on my own as a result of this illness that I’m, as sad as this might sound, my own best friend. What I mean by this is that, even though I now have a fantastic network of friends that I meet with very regularly, I’m very comfortable being on my own and I know myself and my own mind really, really well. I honestly believe that this ability to be on my own and enjoy my own company has carried me through and has kept me strong when I lost all hope during my healing. I listened to my inner voice and it carried me through. You lose the ability to do this when you are around other people, trying to please them, listen to them and fight back with wordless arguments. Fighting loneliness now, however deep and scary that bottomless well is, will mean you’ll be stronger for it later, more independent and more joyful in your future life. Ultimately, you’ll come out of the illness fighting, without a need to cling to others or stay small- being comfortable and confident in your own company will let you do that. If you still feel the need to desperately cling to others and to be around people constantly, know that loneliness, little by little, will make you stronger. It’s only in this space that you can grow into your true ‘you’.

I often think that that’s what this illness is here to show us- that there is strength is following our gut instincts, in listening to your inner guidance and in leading your own life.

alone image Image by Lee Scott taken from Unsplash

So, how can you enjoy time on your own?

  • Try one of these now.
  • Meditate. Meditate like there’s no tomorrow without the fear that someone’ll walk in and brand you a big hippie.
  • If you can, write your thoughts down in a journal. Feel the power of just you, pen and paper and the universe.
  • Read and listen to audiobooks like there’s no tomorrow. Lose yourself in the company of someone else through words. You’ll learn so much about yourself, and for goodness sake, don’t feel guilty. You won’t have this time again and you’ll be glad you had this time for growth and understanding when you’re recovered and running around like a mad thing again.

You are allowed to feel lonely- don’t push it away. You are allowed to feel that nasty, metallic, hollow feeling and really get into it. There is no shame in this. You are allowed to enjoy the company of others and at times it’s essential, but if you have to be on your own, flick into that self-exploration mode and go there. It’s scary and you might no like what you find, but ultimately, that’s your way through.

Love and strength,

Katie     xxx

4 CFS Lessons from The Dalai Lama

Apr 082015
 

 

I was incredibly honoured recently to be able to attend a talk in Sydney with His Holiness, The Dalai Lama on his recent tour of Australia. I instinctively knew that there was something he had to say that would relate to CFS and that I could bring back to you. Scribbling notes in my little notebook in the dark while he was talking was such a thrill and I’d love to share with you all some of my insights into how his message relates so clearly to CFS/ME and to our individual and collective journeys.

The one thing I was left with above all else after the event was the incredible spirit, kindness and love radiating from this amazing man. He is incredibly witty, has an amazing sense of humour (click here for further proof!), but most of all he truly speaks from his heart, unafraid of what anyone might think or of other people’s agendas. His message is one of love for all, and he sees himself not as any kind of Guru or anointed messenger , but as a simple Buddhist monk. His humility and kindness of spirit were seen through the whole talk in the way he interacted with everyone around him. He truly is an incredibly special human being and I’m eternally grateful to have been able to hear him speak in person.

dalai laughing

Photograph of His Holiness, The Dalai Lama, taken from here

4 Lessons from The Dalai Lama

Lesson 1:

Everyone wants to be happy with no problems at all in their lives, but people create their own problems- they become a “slave of emotion”. Wow- this was definitely me throughout my illness, even towards the end when I knew it was all coming to an end. I kept obsessing about my health, and made my fearful thoughts into self-fulfilling prophecies. If you’re constantly thinking about CFS and all the ‘what ifs’ that play a huge part in it, then you end up being caught in a vicious circle that it’s incredibly hard to get out of. I know, I know- how the hell are you supposed to think about anything else when you’re feeling like this, right? You need to get out of your head and into your heart. Meditation is also amazing (trust me, I know people talk about meditation all the time, but it really is unbeatable).

Move away from the fear that you’re going to get worse if you go for a walk outside when you feel like it. Get someone to go with you- what’s the worst that can happen? You’ll come back to bed and give yourself a huge pat on the back, or you’ll get outside, discover that it’s too much and come back inside. Most of all, if you take these steps, you’re ever closer to cracking that fear barrier- what’s stopping you? 

Lesson 2:

Relating to lesson 1, check in with your emotions frequently- are you actually causing negative emotions by beating yourself up about your illness? Are you being too hard on yourself? CFS is an illness where I’ve found to my detriment that the more you fight it and deny what is, the worse it gets. Acceptance is key. Mindfulness is key.

Lesson 3:

“Your happiness is my happiness. Your suffering is my suffering”- I wish I’d heard this when I was very ill and to a certain extent, took my anger out on my family and friends. All they wanted was for me to be happy, healthy and well. At the time, I interpreted it as them not accepting my illness and accusing me of being lazy. Cut your loved ones some slack, cut yourself some slack. As The Dalai Lama says, “Do not let anger develop- this is the real meaning of forgiveness“.

*(This is also the main reason I set up this website, so you can connect with others in a similar position to you and know that we share our dark times. You are not alone.)*

Lesson 4:

“Fear eats away at the immune system”- wow. This is something we all need to hear right now. When your body is in a perpetual state of fear, there is no room for love and your health suffers. Most of the time, you are not doing this consciously- your illness was not deliberately and consciously brought on by you. But perhaps the fear that led you into CFS caused your immune system to suffer and not let your body do its job properly. It’s far from easy, but learning to lean in to love and away from fear, is a life practice, but one that will reward you greatly.

dalai

Photograph taken from here

Let me know what you thought about these lessons- did any of them ring true for you? Comment below!

Leaning into love, Katie    xxx

Strength and Courage in CFS

Feb 262015
 

 

I’m sure that if I told you you were courageous right now, you’d probably tell me I was mad. But, you’d probably say something, then slowly turn back towards me, curious as to why I’d given you that now oh-so unfamiliar label. How can someone who feels so weak and helpless demonstrate outrageous courage and strength? How can strength and courage in CFS possibly go together? How can you, when you’ve been ill for so long, even begin to get your head around the fact that you’ve actually come a lot further than you realise and that you can cope with more than you know?

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Image taken from here

You’re stronger than you know because….

  • ultimately, you kinda have to be- you’ve got no choice.
  • you take comments like this and this, and just roll with it. It might be unpleasant, but you’re as gracious as always. As Wayne Dyer once said, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”
  • you are bearing such a huge physical and emotional burden right now. If other people knew how much you had to endure, they’d be in awe of you. However, even the warrior needs a break every now and then, and it’s always ok to cry.
  • in the midst of all this s#@* going on around you, you know deep down that you are still you. You are still here. Take strength and comfort from that, even if brain fog tells you otherwise.
  • finding the means to carry on with all of this ‘not-knowing’ will set you up great things in your big, bright future and you’ll be better for it.

You’re more courageous than you know because…

  • you’re hunting around on websites like this for answers and things that might help you heal. If you were scared of your illness, you wouldn’t be here.
  • you’re open to take your healing into your own hands.
  • you’re willing to try new things, even if this pushes you massively out of your comfort zone and you’re incredibly scared that anything you try’ll make you worse.
  • you’re willing to look at the root causes of your illness, even a tiny bit at a time. It’s unpleasant and you don’t like asking yourself these questions, but you might just discover something you didn’t know about yourself.
  • you know that this innate courage inside you is the one thing that’s going to carry you through the darkness and into your healing. Love it, look after it and remember it when the road gets bumpy. Only you can really heal you.

You-Gain-Strength---Eleanor-Roosevelt-Magnet-C11750665

Quote taken from here

Trust me my darling, you are stronger and more courageous than you think you are. You put up with so much rubbish day in, day out for days, weeks, month and years at a time, all the while questioning who you are, your self worth, your relationships, your career, your body, your past and your future.

Just know in the here and now, that I admire you for your courage, determination and strength. No-one ever told me this while I was ill, so I’m telling you now.

I’ve got your back. I know how hard it is. Everyone reading this knows how hard it is. Let it out….let it out….and trust your courage.

Remember, as Paulo Coelho once said, “An act of courage is always an act of love.”

Love and courage,

Katie     xxx

If you enjoyed these inspirational quotes, there are plenty more in my new (FREE!) e-book! Click the green book image at the top of the page or below for instant access!

A little book of quotes and inspiration for the journey

What Do You Need Right Now To Heal CFS or Fibromyalgia?

Nov 082014
 

 

Sometimes, I was so determined to beat this terrible illness that all I did was think about it. I would think about it morning, noon and night (when I wasn’t sleeping, that is!)

I know you want to heal now, instantly, and one of the things that’s so difficult to accept with this whole thing is the longevity of it. When is it going to end? How will it end? Will I wake up one morning and suddenly feel instantly better? It used to drive me absolutely crazy.

selfLoveFortune

Photo taken from here

All I ask of you today, is to take this minute, this hour or this day as a day of healing.

Ask yourself, what do I need today to make me feel better and begin to heal CFS? Even if I wake up tomorrow morning and I’m having a bad day, what I can do for myself today that’ll really make me happy and that I’ll remember tomorrow? What does my body need? What does my spirit need? What does your gut tell you? (Don’t ignore it!)

It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money or use up lots of your energy, but taking time out to find the little joys and pleasures in life and acting on these impulses can make the difference between a bad day and great day. Give all your energy to whatever little pleasure you have, and do not feel guilty about it for a second- you deserve this and you are really honouring yourself through it. Be present and enjoy. If you’re eating chocolate for example, think about the texture, colour and smell of it, as well as the taste. You’ll find your enjoyment rockets to a whole new level!

Here are a few suggestions:

If you honour and care for yourself regularly and every day, even in a small way, you will really start to see the benefits. This will set you up to form amazing healing habits for your recovery and beyond.

How would you find pleasure in this second, this minute, this hour or this day? Comment below!

Love and time-out,

Katie    xx

How To Forgive and Speed Up Your Healing

Nov 052014
 
forgiveness

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”- Mark Twain

violetPhotograph taken from here

If you read and follow blogs which are similar to mine or if you read spiritual books or texts, you will know that ‘forgiveness’ is a bit of a buzz-word right now. Some people might think they understand forgiveness, but when I really thought about it and took it on for myself, I think my healing sped up dramatically and made me look at things in a different way after practising forgiveness. ‘Forgiveness’ definitely deserves its buzz-word identity, but it often incredibly difficult to know exactly how to forgive.

How many times has somebody you know held a grudge against someone for a really stupid reason? “She didn’t bring me a present when we had our housewarming party”, “He said he’d take my son to football, but he never offered to”, “She told me she’d phone me, but she forgot”. Little resentments like this build up over time. When they happen they can be seemingly inconsequential- you can brush them off and put it down to them having a busy day. When you find yourself feeling irritated by the person however, recognise this feeling and know that it is hindering you moving forward, creating hidden negativity, but it is more importantly a huge energy zapper.

When I was first diagnosed, I lost touch with a lot of my friends- partly because I was too tired to make the effort, but mostly because I was embarrassed and didn’t know how to explain things to them. I then started thinking things like, “If she’d ever been real friend, she would’ve phoned me” and “He didn’t even get in touch when he came home from Uni- he must have known I wanted to him to visit me”. Resentment then built up and I felt completely alone, like all the friendships and years I’d had with them meant absolutely nothing.

After I’d let them go however and moved on with my life, I knew that I had to clear any negative thoughts about them and with it, any malice or resentment I was feeling. How were they to know how ill I was if I hadn’t told them? How were they to really understand what was going on when even I didn’t know?

Forgiveness was my opportunity to release the past, bless my family and friends and move on. More importantly, it was a chance to forgive myself, for being so selfish and thinking of my own needs all the time, for feeling jealous and resenting my friends and, more importantly, for being ill.

Your illness is NOT your creation or your fault. You can forgive all the people who’ve ever wronged you constantly for the rest of your life, but if you can’t forgive yourself, you can’t move on or heal.

Once I’d forgiven myself for thinking negatively and for feeling bitter towards my family and friends, my healing rapidly sped up…and I mean, rapidly. I gave myself a week to really work on myself. A week of meditating, writing down the names of anyone who’d ever done anything wrong or negative towards me but not examining the ‘whys’, a week of blessing these people, thanking them for the lessons I’d learned from them, forgiving them out loud and moving on. After a week, I felt lighter and freer, and almost saw the world for the first time all over again.

The one thing I learned in all of this though, is that self-forgiveness is incredibly healing. It is also very humbling and will make you feel utterly vulnerable, uncomfortable and completely out of your comfort zone. REmember that this is all part of the process though. Don’t just forgive people as a fly-away comment- you have to really mean it and live it. Feel the parts of you where resentment is hiding. Talk to it, thank it and let it go. It isn’t going to serve your healing or your future life- it’s time to love it and leave it. Feel the weight lift from you and pause for a while to embrace this new you. The ‘you’ you knew was there, but always seemed to be in hiding, the ‘you’ before your illness.

forgivenessPicture taken from here

Love the ‘old’ new, love the ‘new’ you. Cherish your family and friends, and all that you’ve learned from them.

Forgive yourself.

Love and forgiveness,

Katie      xx

How To Accept Help From Others & Being Vulnerable

Nov 012014
 

As well as accepting my illness, for me, asking for and more importantly, receiving help from others was incredibly difficult. I realised very quickly that not only did I not know how to ask for help, I also didn’t know how to accept help from others. There are several members of my family who are not just a little bit stubborn, but almost infamous for it! I didn’t think I was one of those people until I became ill with CFS when it showed up in a major way.

As you’ve probably got to know by now if you’ve been following my blog, I pride myself on being independent and doing things my own way. I’ve always been a little bit quirky and don’t tend to follow the crowd (this isn’t a deliberate choice, it just seems to happen that way!). Having to drop out of Uni in your first year and move back in with your parents after a CFS diagnosis is one way in which the universe made sure that from then on, I would have to collaborate and eventually ask for help from other people. I learned recently however that once you learn to do this, and receive help fully and graciously, there is a sense of power and amazing collaboration which appears…

…and my god, does it feel good.

The key in the early stages of any illness is recognising the ways in which people try and help you (more on this here). When I first moved home, I thought my parents were nagging the life out of me and really didn’t understand me. In hindsight however, this was their way of caring for me and making sure that my illness didn’t completely take over what was supposed to be a prime time in my life. After their loving care and injections of positivity, I attended Uni a year later and managed to complete my four-year course with a year in France to boot. I honestly believe that if they hadn’t helped me in this particular way, I may not have been able to attend Uni at all. They knew I was independent and stubborn, so basically forced their help on me. I wasn’t very good at being grateful at the time, but now I hope they know how grateful I am to them and I hope I can repay this gratitude through my actions in years to come.

Asking for help from someone in itself, especially in our world today, is a great sign of strength and character. By asking for help, you are admitting that you are vulnerable and need assistance, and there is great beauty in vulnerability. I would say that when you ask for help, 99% of the time the other person is grateful to be of service and to assist in whatever it is you are going through, be it asking when your bus is due, asking a neighbour to mind your cat for the weekend or asking for advice with a difficult personal problem. I take it as a compliment when people ask me for directions in the street- I must appear to be kind and approachable. I can’t always help them, but I am incredibly grateful to be asked.

brene

Picture of Brené Brown at TED taken from here

Receiving help is an art-form in itself, and one which I think the world needs more of. There is a quiet power in receiving help. We are one, we are all connected, so receiving help not only benefits you in the short term, but it creates a ripple effect. Your friend then asks someone else for help, then they ask their neighbour, and it continues. Decide whether you need help or whether you can truly and honestly take the responsibility on your own. As soon as you decide to ask for help, the butterflies in your stomach will tell you that you are moving out of your comfort zone and into this ripple effect, enabling you to receive graciously.

I feel strong and vulnerable when I ask for help, as it was a foreign concept to me for quite a while. Babies and children never fail to ask for help and receive it with love, and we should learn from them as adults. We grow and stand a little bit taller every time we do, the world appears brighter and people smile that little bit more often.

What do you need help with today? Ask with love and feel that little bit more grounded when you receive their assistant. We are one big community, full of ripples, and it feel gorgeous.

(For a little bit more on the concept of vulnerability, please sit back and watch this amazing TED talk by academic, speaker and writer, Brené Brown. I absolutely love this video and think being vulnerable is a humbling and inspirational attitude to have)

Love and vulnerability,

Katie   xx

How To Remember The Fun In Life

Oct 282014
 
joy

It’s hard to believe that you can have any fun at all when you’re ill and recovering. I remember lying in bed for hours on end thinking about all the fun other people were having without me, people with more energy and vitality than me, people who didn’t have to think about illness for a second while they were enjoying themselves.

Then I realised that my definition of ‘fun’ was all wrong. To me (and maybe to society), the epitome of fun was raucous party scenes and dancing until the early hours. I’ve never been much of party-goer, but always felt when I was growing up that this is what I should be doing- stumbling home drunk at whatever time in the morning and not being able to remember anything, because this is what my friends were doing.

Feeling comfortable with what you like to do and searching for your definition of fun can often take some time. Your definition of fun might not be the same as someone else’s and this is great- find your joy! You’re often under pressure from others and conform just so you feel like you belong. This includes going places when you don’t have the energy or feeling forced to do something because someone is telling you to snap out of it.

fun

Write a list of things you like to do.  I consider all these things fun, however geeky and strange they might sound. This is what makes me unique and I love myself for it:

How To Remember The Fun In Life

Writing to you lovely people
Reading spiritual books
Oprah’s amazing programme, Super Soul Sunday
Going to bed early / having a lie-in, and not feeling guilty or bad about it
Studying Energy Medicine
Listening to birds singing in the morning
Anything involving bright colours and stripes
Juices and smoothies
Raw chocolate
Chia seed puddings
Singing
Stumbling my way through yoga 
Writing letters and cards to people (on paper and sending them in an envelope!)
Talking with someone and really connecting with them
Someone really confiding in you
Angel cards
Danish crime dramas (I know!) and Foreign Films
Laughter and comedy
Reading in French and German
Anything to do with France and all things Paris
Breaking down sentences into grammatical points (I know, I need help!)
Batman
Men’s brown leather brogues made for girls and old-school satchels
Big jewellery
Chatting with a friend for hours on Facetime or on the phone
Sushi / anything Japanese
Going out of my comfort zone and being me

joyPicture taken from here- notice the bright colours! Fun!

This is a slightly unconventional list, but remember life is for living and being joyous. Love what you love and love it unashamedly. You can create fun from the smallest thing if you get pleasure from doing it and it brightens up your day.

Where can you find fun in your day today? Write a fun list and post it below or on Facebook! Can’t wait to see what you’ve written!

Love and joy,

Katie   xx

Reframing Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Apr 292013
 

 

Lots of my mentoring clients have said that CFS is ultimately quite boring. Man, I hear you!

I know the state of being sick is boring in itself, but what bugs me more is the name, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

It sounds miserable, it feels miserable and sometimes, let’s be honest, it is miserable.

fireworks

Photo taken from here

But what if we injected a bit of fun into it! (Errrmmmm, what?!)

How about instead of CFS standing for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, we make it stand for something else?

Reframing Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

* Conquering Fear Spiritually

* Celebrating Feeling Spectacular

* Crying From Spirit

* Comforting Fabulous Striving

* Cheering Fantastic Sparkles (yey! ♥)

* Creating Fairy-Tale Stories (ok, slight cheat with this one!)

* Clearing Frightening States

* Collecting Faith Supreme

* Contemplate Flourishing Sensationally

CFS isn’t look quite so terrible now, is it?! Have fun with these lovely acronyms- they might just brighten up your day! What ideas did you think of?

Love and Creating Fabulous Steps,

Katie   xx

A New Website and Vlogging!

 Inspiration  No Responses »
Apr 092013
 

Hi everyone! This is just a short post to mark the historic arrival of two important milestones in Conquering Fear Spiritually’s history! Yahoo!

Firstly, you’ll probably notice if you’ve made it this far(!) that the website has been changed a little bit to make it more readable and it therefore allows me to help you through those rocky patches and beautiful patches. I really hope you enjoy the new look and the new website! Yehoooo!

Screen Shot 2013-04-09 at 9.26.01 AM

Secondly, (*big gulp!*), I finally got around to something I’ve been thinking about for a while- putting up a video blog. I know that lots of people out there can’t read for long periods of time, especially on computer screens and many people just prefer listening to things, so I thought I’d have a go! Please let me know if this is something you’d be interested in watching more of in the future- I’ll try and keep them short, I promise!

chronic fatigue video youtube

Enjoy my darlings- have a beautiful day!

Love and vlogs, Katie    xx