For some reason recently, I found myself thinking about (and being absolutely baffled by! All of the times I went to the doctor while I was ill. For years, I completely pushed CFS away and ignored it- there had to be something simpler going on. Couldn’t they just put me on a week’s worth of antibiotics?! But I paid the price in the form of relapses and a prolonged recovery time.
Even when I’m writing all of my blog posts, I constantly hit a wall when I get to how to write about illness- do I make it my own, or do I distance myself from it? It was once a huge part of who I am, but that doesn’t mean I’ve completely disregarded that part of my life, as it’s been my greatest teacher and mentor to date.
If writing this blog has taught me one thing I’d love you all to know though, it’s this:
Do not own your illness- as soon as you say ‘my illness’, the power has been given over to the CFS. You have the power and you’ve never lost it, not even in your darkest, most wavering, meandering moments. Detach it from yourself and it’ll detach from you- say ‘the illness’ and it suddenly doesn’t seem as scary. It becomes something you control as opposed to it controlling you. It means that when you feel the waves of the illness washing over you, you know for sure that it’s only a temporary visitor, a fleeting feeling, like the tide, like the clouds above us.
This is a short post, but one which I hope gives you lots of food for thought and something to meditate on. Do you own your illness or does it own you? Can you distance yourself from it, or are you imbedded in it? Let me know your thoughts below my lovelies.
Love and gentle separation,
Katie xxx
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Thanks again for interesting perspective! I alwAys call it” this condition” so that I don’t use
The word ill or my! Actually usually cal it ” this stupid condition” if I’m honest
Ha ha! Love this Janice- thank you! Stupid condition- don’t own it, girlfriend! xx
Thanks Katie, yes another great post! I recently made a list with 2 columns. One side was labelled the “illness” and all the characteristics “it” has. The other column is “me-who I really am.” I found it a really powerful exercise because after so many years of being ill, it is easy to start to identify with “it”, and loose sight of who I really am. I really appreciate your blog, thanks for all you do. Jada oxo
Wow my darling, this is such a great idea! I bet you found that the columns read completely differently as well, ey? Thank you so much for sharing my darling Jada! xxx
I own my condition, and not owning it has caused me so much trouble over the years. I think the difference between my condition (me!) and things like CFS is that mine is genetic. I literally cannot be physically (and therefore emotionally) separated from my condition because it is written into my genetic code. Trying to see it as an other has seen me have in increase in symptoms – if it isn’t me, then it has no control over me (I control my life and destiny), but time and time again, I would get sick, have injuries and get stuck at home. It wasn’t until our friend Tara Bliss introduced me to shadow work that I was able to recognise how I related to my illness and turn it upside down. My VWD and I are in this together for every second of my life. I have learned to work with it and be mindful of its needs.
Beautiful, Jenna- thank you my love. I think working with your illness rather than against it is key- I used to say ‘my illness’ all the time and it drag me down a lot. Love your take on it- xx
I don’t think I own the illness because every time I am in remission I totally forget about the illness. I have just come off the longest remission I have had to date (4 glorious months!). I thought the illness was gone and was disappointed and depressed when it returned that I am having trouble even meditating let alone keeping up my vibrational frequency. I desperately needed to read this post. Thanks!!
Sending you lots of love my darling- be gentle with yourself- xxx